Day 2: I Need a Luther Anger Translator

(This is a skit by the comedy duo of Key & Peele. Luther says what Obama wants to say deep down, but can't. Watch this: http://youtu.be/-qv7k2_lc0M)

People will say some shit. Especially to your face. And then I usually want to say some shit back...but you know..."professionalism" and all that. 

1. "I didn't know she was 14..." Bitch please. Then why the text saying "I know you're only 14, but I am in looooooove with you! Let's go to Kentucky and get marrrrrried".

2. "I didn't know my boyfriend sold and made meth in his home..." Really. Cause the Detective told me you sold that shit to him on St. Marys Avenue last week. Remember that?

3. "He only shoved me down the stairs once, so I'm giving him a second chance..." Well then tick tock stupid ass. p.s. Hope he only shoves your kids down the stairs "once". 

4. "The drug screen won't be positive for anything...except maybe Vicodin pills not prescribed to me...and pot...and I did a line at a party..." Is there anything it WON'T be positive for? Because you sound like a real party girl right now. Are you even going to REMEMBER taking this drug screen?

5. "I didn't know my babysitter was a convicted Child Molester..." The white van with no windows and "Free Candy" spray painted on the side didn't clue you in at all? Seriously? 

6. "Do you have children of your own?" Bitch I will cut you. 

7.  "My children have active imaginations and lie about me all of the time..." Girl you are lyin' on your kids right fucking NOW! 

8. "She ran into a wall..." Must have been a steal wall...oh and nice clear handprint on her cheek...did the wall have hands?

9. "I wanted to call in the report 2 months ago when she had bruises, but I thought the parents would change..." Well then what the fuck do you want me to do??? Seriously? Play boogey man and scare them? Get your shit together, Grandma. 

10. "How much of a bonus do you get paid for each kid you remove?" Lady, I pretty much pay the State to work at this fucking job. Ask me when we last had a raise. Or took advantage of the "Spot Bonus Program". (What the HELL do you have to do to get a goddamn SPOT BONUS?????)