WTF...

I just spent five minutes wrestling with my goddamn shoes. WHY is the strappy hook thing on the OUTSIDE of the sandal? Why is it not on the INSIDE





First world problem, I know. But I think I just threw my fucking back out in some sort of not invented yet Twister move. Why are shoemakers conspiring against me?

Either I have sit awkwardly in the Twister pose, or I have to suffer an old woman head rush dizzy spell to put these damn shoes on. And this is even before my second cup of coffee.

And it would even look better on the inside! And it's just common sense! And now I need a third cup of coffee!

Life is a bitch.


-Posted Cause I Can...

Oh Shit...

Little known fact: I like to wear jewelry that (in my mind) offers peace, protection or spirituality. For example- I have this big ass hamas hand pendant that I purchased after going back to work to protect me from the crazies. I am always wearing some sort of evil eye to work. I believe in that shit.



Now here's the scary part of the story...after some dumb bitch t-boned me in my Prius (RIP Little Spaceship) I bought a bracelet that says: "Guardian Angel. Protect and guide, always by my side". And it had two little silver Guardian Angels on it.




WHERE THE FUCK DID THEY GO???? Did I use up all my angels already??? Possible, but I thought they were neverending! Where did they fly to??? Someone else that needed them? Why haven't they flown back??? This has been bothering me to no end lately. Guess I'll have to find some new damn angels.

Posted Cause I Can...

Charleston!

1. Boiled peanuts taste like ass. Maybe because I got them at a gas station? But still...after the salty water part, I'm just not a fan. You're either a peanut, or peanut butter.








2. Because I'm on vacation, I may be smoking more than usual. And when your long time buddy who you're visiting is a nurse, you get a long informative lecture about COPD and dying a slow anxiety ridden death. However it comes from love ❤️ p.s. Love you Kimmy!!!





3. Charleston is hot. Like "Why the fuck am I outside" hot. But apparently if you've lived there long enough, you adapt. I felt bad for Kim though. Kim: "This is my friend Kathy from Indiana". Friend: "Oh hey Kathy, how are ya?" Me: "Holy shit it's hot here!" It just slips out because I guess I was waiting for someone to say, "Yes it IS hot...because this is the second stop before hell" or something like that to explain why it WAS SO GODDAMN HOT!





4. When people head out to see an 80's band, nobody dresses up...unless you're from Indiana...and named Kathy.





5. Weird phenomenon: Natty Light is the best tasting beer to take to the beach. I know- weird right?





6. It was hot.




Posted Cause I Can...

Oh look what this bitch did now...

So. Last night I went to get my eyebrows threaded...where they yank each individual hair out one by one with some sort of magical dental floss.

There was another girl next to me getting fake eyelashes put on and I sat mesmerized by the schtick that was coming out of the owners mouth...

"Everyone gets these done down in Indianapolis..."

"They last 2-3 weeks..."

"They look so natural and you won't have you fight with clumpy mascara every morning..."

Fucking. Sold. That lady really should start off with the clumpy mascara bit.

So I endure a much less painful five more minutes and what do you know! They look natural! No more mascara! I look like I'm from the big city!

Then I went to my friend Hat's house. "It looks kinda drag queenish..." she lovingly said.

And it does. This morning I woke up and had to pry my eyelids awake. I looked in the mirror and two fuzzy caterpillars stared back at me.

Fuck it. Let's make it work just for shits and giggles. Because I'm bored. Because it looks like I have eyeliner on and I suck at eyeliner. Because who doesn't want to look like a drag queen at work for a day?







- Posted Cause I Can...

Really, Vinnie?

What the fuck is this? Did my kid become an Eagle Scout overnight and learn elaborate knot tying? Did someone teach him this on the playground? Is this a new version of playing Cat in the Cradle? Because the last I knew, we were sailing right along with bunny ears. So yeah...this morning I was like a contestant on Survivor trying to get these damn knots undone before the bell rang.



-Posted Cause I Can...

God Knew What He Was Doing...

Scene: Target last night. Supposed to be buying cards for the kids teachers. Started in the clothes. Cut through kids clothes to the cards. And then BAM! Look at this!!




And this!!!




And fucking THIS!!!




Tutu's! For little cute girls to twirl in with their Mommys! God help me if I had ever had a girl. I would be a broke ass bitch...but at least me and my daughter would have matching fucking tutu's.

Location:Fort Wayne